Well, I have just... fucked it all up.

Apparently, some how, I've lost a $400+ lense, the zoom one, that I barely even fucking use so don't ask me how I lost it. But it's gone, and my parents aren't budging on giving it back at this point.

I think I should be able to use it for the re-shoot with Courtingdiscourd because if I can manage to get paid for it, then I can pay my parents back (so much for keeping my money) and they're real sticklers on sticking to jobs once you've started them and made the commitment. Other than that though, it looks like it's over until I can raise the money. I'm going to have to put the Coca-Cola shoot on hold. Although to be honest, if I could avoid it I wouldn't, even without a camera, because it's not fair that everyone should have to miss out and wait (inc the other photographers coming) because I fucked up. I'm having a real problem with the venue we had in mind and it doesn't look like there's a lot of alternatives at this time.

I'm just so stressed out, and really? I'm utterly shattered. Between this, being stuck in a wheelchair until I can figure out what the fuck is wrong with my knees, surgery coming soon, finding somewhere to live... I just don't think I can take it. I have no release now because they've fucking taken it away. I mean, when they've got me on strong painkillers and sleeping pills just to get me to sleep because my legs hurt so much, you'd think they'd cut me just a tiny bit of slack.

I have no idea what I'm going to do when I'm out of here, either. If I don't have the camera back, I'll need to buy one, and there is NO WAY I can afford $5,000 when I'm going to be living on Mi Goreng and studying full time.

I think I might just shut off for a while. I'm totally over this shit.